Declaration of Universe Ownership

The Declaration of Universe Ownership is a formal letter/videodocument composed by Jules Ismail and addressed to the Leaders of Earth in which she declares her claim to the title of Supreme Sovereign of the Universe. It was written on Februrary 22, 2010, and thus far has remained unchallenged except by insignificant fools.

Original Written Form:

DECLARATION OF OWNERSHIP OF THE UNIVERSE

To the leaders of the Planet Earth:

It has come to my attention that there is currently no established Universal Governance, and I, Jules Ismail (you may address me as Jules the First), hereby announce my claim to the title of Supreme Sovereign of the Universe. Therefor, since the Planet Earth falls under my territory, the following is a list of terms you will be expected to accept throughout my reign:

I.You will address me as Supreme Sovereign unless we are on a first name basis. If you do not, it shall be considered a declaration of war on your part.

II.You will be permitted to continue running your nations in whatever manner you see fit. Provided that you accept me, Jules the First, as the ultimate authority in the universe. If you do not, it shall be considered a declaration of war on your part.

III.I, Jules the First, will not impose taxes upon you unless it is for matters of Cosmic Concern. Should such taxes be in place and you do not pay, it shall be considered a declaration of war on your part.

IV.As a Human Being, I, Jules the First, am to act as Prime Ambassador on behalf of Earth in all extraterrestrial affairs (this includes those which any of you might be keeping a secret from me). Failure to comply shall be considered a declaration of war on your part.

  1. Should any extraterrestrial entity feel improperly treated by the Humans of Earth, they may appeal to me.

V.You must accept Avril Lavigne as an influential and important figure. You must not speak negatively of her, for if you do, it shall be considered a declaration of war on your part.

This letter is merely a general declaration of my authority. Rest assured, it is not the last you will be hearing from me. I do not wish to cause concern or alarm, only to inform you of my position above you in status. I am aware that this may be a lot to handle and therefor, you have twenty-four hours to accept this. While a formal response in which you declare your allegiance to me, Jules the First, is welcomed and greatly encouraged, it is not required. Not responding will be a sufficient declaration of your unconditional acceptance.

I look forward to meeting with you all shortly to discuss our future political relationship. I trust that this will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

KTHXBAI,
Jules The First

PS. I require a female in order to effectively continue my bloodline. To those who consider themselves eligible candidates, I, Jules the First, wish to inform you that I am skilled with my tongue.

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